Gray
by KT the Shimmer Skank
Summary: There is darkness. There is light. And there is the space in between. Relive the Kingdom Hearts saga through Riku's eyes. There is another side... Another story.
1. part one: falling stars

_**Gray**_

- o - o - o -

**Extended summary:** Throughout his childhood, Riku was othered by the rest of the community because of his mother's mysterious past, and haunted by strange visions. The day the Door opened, Riku began unraveling the clues to the secret within him, and his role in the destiny of Kingdom Hearts. Surviving the wars and political upheavals of the Keyblade Years, Riku finds himself at the nexus of the universe's fate, privy to a side of the truth that no one else could see. As he realizes his true place in the universe, will he choose the path of darkness, or of light?

**FYI before you read:** This epic is so much more than just Riku's side of the story; with another side, comes _another story_. I have been working on this story since 2003, when I first saw "Deep Dive," and now I'm finally resurfacing it. It follows the canon for the first two games pretty closely while interpreting the Kingdom Hearts saga in a very different way. Any events from Chain of Memories, any "final mixes" or Kingdom Hearts 3 are not taken into consideration, as I have never played them. Furthermore, plotlines and characters from the movies Lilo and Stich and Treasure Planet, along with a splash of Sailor Moon, are pretty heavily integrated into this story, so knowledge of them is helpful (thought not entirely necessary). I have worked really, _really_ hard on this. Ten-ish years of writing, here goes nothing.

**Rating:** T, tentatively.

**Disclaimer:** I own none of this, as you well know, and make no profit. I merely gain the artistic pleasure of working with this interesting fictional universe.

* * *

_**PART ONE: RISE**_

**chapter one: falling stars**

It began seven years before the Keyblade ever appeared on our island. It started the day of the meteor shower; the day Kairi came to us; the day I met the hooded man. Truly it began even before I was born, my fate written into the stars before my first breath of life.

It was summer on the islands. The ocean winds carried the sticky-sweet smell of ripe paopu fruit, and Main Street was lined with colored lanterns and covered booths for the summer festival. Like all kids, Sora and I were wild with excitement. Our heads swam with the anticipation of sugaring ourselves up on baked goods and stocking up on cheaply-made toys.

"Hurry! Riku, hurry!" cried seven-year-old Sora, bouncing up and down in my living room with a toy sword in hand. "I hear the music starting!"

"Aw, wait just a minute, Sora," I called back. I was in the sun room in the back of the house. Through the glass windows I could see all the way to the shore. The sun was just falling into the sea for the evening, and the room was murky with twilight. My mother sat curled up in a whicker chair in the corner. White-blonde hair poured over her face, hanging all the way down to her torso.

"Go on, Riku," she said softly. "Your friend is waiting on you."

"Aren't you coming, Mother?" I asked her, tugging at her arm. "You can't miss the festival! You have to come."

She reached out with a pale, delicate hand and ran her fingers through my long hair. "No, baby. I don't have the energy for the festival tonight. You go on, have fun." She reached into the folds of her white dress and produced a handful of coins. "Here. Visit a few extra booths tonight. Share with Sora."

I pocketed the coins and nodded. She leaned over and kissed my forehead. Had I been wiser, I would have taken a moment to simply watch my mother, sitting like an angel in the twilight. But with the new-found jangle in my pockets, all my eight-year-old mind could think of was how to spend my munny.

I rejoined Sora and we headed down the street towards the square. Even from my yard we could hear the high school band warming up. People of all ages and from every different neighborhood could be seen walking down Main Street. We saw several of our schoolmates and their families, eyes lit up like ours.

"Sora, where's your family?" I asked. I felt like the only person whose mother stayed in during town events.

"My dad's directing the band, and my mom helped set things up," he replied, bouncing around like a hyperactive child. "They've been in town all day already."

"Oh."

The town square came into view. Booths with sweet-smelling foods, mini-shows, and games lined the street endlessly. Nearly the entire town was milling about, and the air was heavy with excitement. To our small eyes, it was larger than life. We broke into a run, and my pockets started jangling again. "Here, Sora," I said, pulling out some coins for him. "My mom gave me some extra munny." He gladly took the extra coins, and we wasted no time in diving in to the festivities.

The night took its toll on us. After running around for several sugared-filled hours, we found ourselves completely depleted. When our pockets were empty, we climbed onto the cloth awning of one of the booths. From there we could see over the heads of all the grown-ups. We watched the band perform on the stage, and the majorettes in red leotards twirled their batons. It was nearly midnight at that point, and our eyes were beginning to feel heavy...

"Riku, wake up!" I heard Sora's voice cry some time later.

I rubbed my eyes and looked around, realizing I had nodded off. "What is it, Sora?" I asked.

He pointed to the sky. "Look! Look at all the falling stars!"

Cries of "oohs" and "aahs" erupted from the crowd below us as meteors poured from the sky. Hundreds of bright balls of light were raining all over the island. I was mesmerized by the shimmering skies, bewildered at where such things could have come from.

"Come on, Riku, let's go!" said Sora, beginning to climb off of the awning.

I pulled my eyes away from the dazzling sight above us. "Huh? Go where?"

"To where everyone else is going."

I looked down at the crowd once more and noticed everyone seemed to be moving to the park behind the bandstand. I jumped off the booth awning and walked with Sora behind the swiftly moving crowd. I heard scattered bits of conversation as we walked.

"...looked just like a person..."

"What do you suppose caused it?"

"...another world?"

"...where did it land?"

"...never in all my days..."

I found my small legs unable to keep up with rest of the crowd. I looked around and noticed that somewhere along the way, Sora and I had been separated. I wriggled my way through the crowd, knowing I would soon be trampled if I tried to keep up. I returned to Main Street, which was now abandoned. I walked along the quiet road, littered with empty food containers, confetti, and fallen streamers, and wondered if I could get to the park another way.

I froze suddenly as one of the shadows ahead moved. A clutched my toy sword tightly, watching, waiting. The shadow moved again, and I realized it was not a shadow at all. It was man, wearing flowing black robes. All that was visible were a few strands of silver hair, falling out from beneath his hood. Destiny Islands was the type of community where everyone knew everyone, but I had never seen this man before.

"Who... are you?" I asked, finding my voice. I stepped closer to him.

"I am no one," said the man. "I am the Fallen."

"Where did you come from?" I found myself growing more confident, and I walked nearer to the stranger.

He turned to me, and I saw his face. It was mostly covered in shadows, but I could see that his eyes were covered by a blindfold. "I came from here... but that was long ago."

"What does that mean? Do you mean that you've gone to other worlds?"

The man nodded. "Yes. Many worlds. But, I never realized until it was too late that the answers were here all along. I've come to warn you of something, Riku."

I nearly jumped. "How do you know my name?"

"I know alot about you, Riku. I've Seen the future. Years from now, the Door to the outside world will be opened. You will have the opportunity to visit other worlds. You and your little friend Sora will both go on an adventure... but Sora will end up being the hero, and you will fall into darkness."

I raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. "Sora? A hero? No way. I'm much stronger than he is. He's a big baby; he still thinks there are monsters under his bed and everything."

He let out a soft laugh, amused but bitter. "It may seem that way now, but Sora is stronger than you in ways you can't imagine. Just listen to me. I need you to be strong, Riku. Don't let your heart fall into darkness."

I clenched my tiny fists. "That would never happen to me."

He reached out and placed his hand on my shoulder, almost urgent. "I mean it! Always be strong, Riku. Always have a strong heart. You were... you are supposed to be the one, Riku. It was supposed to be you. But it was Sora instead..." He drifted for a moment, lost in his own memories. "Be strong."

"I…"

The mysterious man nodded his head to me and turned to walk away. I reached out, hoping to stop him. I had so many questions to ask him. But he broke into a run, climbing onto the rooftops and practically flying away. I stared down the dark road, awestruck. Did he really know the future? I thought to myself.

He couldn't be right. Sora could never be stronger than me. No way. But his premonition made me uneasy. Even as the incident faded in my mind from vivid memory to distant dream, the man's words rang deep within me. They stay with me still.

"Riku! Riku!" cried a voice. I turned and saw Sora running towards me. "Oh, you missed it, Riku! It was the coolest thing ever! It was a girl. A girl fell down from the sky, just like all those stars!" He bent over to catch his breath.

"Don't be stupid, Sora," I said. "Girls don't fall from the sky. Nobody just falls out of the sky."

"But... But I saw it with my own eyes!"

I sighed. "Sure, Sora. Just like that monster in your closet a few days ago."

Sora opened his mouth to argue, but no excuse came out. Adults started to return to their booths, cleaning up and heading home. I yawned, suddenly realizing how tired I was, and Sora and I walked home. My mind was buzzing with thoughts of the festival, the meteors, and the mysterious man, but by the time I got home and into bed, all of it bled together and dissolved into my childish dreams.

**- o - o - o -**

"I told you she fell from the sky," Sora whispered in my ear.

I merely shrugged, and busied myself with the lunch on my plate. I tried to pretend like I wasn't at all fascinated by the timid girl sitting on the other side of Sora. She hid shyly hide behind choppy locks of auburn hair. There was a bewildered look on her face as Sora rudely stared at her with childish curiosity.

On the other sides of the table, the grown-ups were talking to one another. I elbowed Sora in the stomach to shut him up; I was trying to listen to the grown-ups, to find out more about the girl's mysterious arrival. Song, the widow who lived next door, was telling my father about how she had been more than delighted to take custody of our little visitor when the mayor asked. My mother stood up from the table to get fresh rolls out of the oven. She brought them back to the table and placed one on everyone's plates.

The widow looked up at my mother and smiled. "Thank you, Mara," she said. "It was so nice of you to invite little Kairi and I here today." She looked over at Sora and I and winked. "I'm sure she's just thrilled to make some new friends."

My mother smiled in return, but it looked forced. It wasn't the smile my mother had for me, the smile that I knew. "It was our pleasure, Song."

Song focused her attention on my mother again, looking at her with dark eyes. "It's been so long since I've seen you, you know. You haven't made it out to town much lately."

"I've been under the weather."

My father glanced nervously between the widow and my mother as an awkward silence fell between the adults. The widow had a sly grin on her face. She nodded politely to my mother's response, but something in her eyes told me she didn't believe it. There was a coldness Song felt towards my mother, though I had no idea why.

"Can we be excused?" Sora said suddenly. Kairi and I both looked at him in surprise. "I thought we could go outside and play together."

"Of course," said my mother. "That is, if it's all right with you, Song?"

Song nodded, and Sora immediately bolted from his seat. He grabbed Kairi by the hand and led her out of the kitchen; she followed, timid but willing. I took a final glance at the adults. I knew there was a secret between them, but I was simply not old enough to understand what it was.

I followed Sora and Kairi through the sun room and out the back door. I was a little uneasy. I wasn't quite ready to accept the prospect of inviting a new member into our play group. Especially not a girl. But Sora's smile was unfaltering. He felt immediately the bond that he wouldn't truly understand until we were much older.

She turned out to be a decent playmate. She squirmed with discomfort whenever Sora or I asked her about the night she came, or where she came from. But whenever the topic was moved from away her mysterious arrival, she was fun to have around. When Song came outside sometime later to say that it was time for Kairi to leave, Sora was devastated and started to pout. I was disappointed, too, but being a whole year older, I knew better than to act like a baby like Sora.

Song promised us that Kairi could play with us tomorrow. From there, our days together began.

**- o - o - o -**

When school started, I walked home each day with Sora and Kairi. One day, near the end of autumn, the two of them were having a playful argument about Margu, the game of cards and marbles that the school kids played. I remained quiet, shaking my head at them. They were a grade below me, but I always ended up spending more time with them than with the kids my own age.

"You're both wrong," I said at last, grinning. "You play the card on your fourth marble."

The two of them paused, looked at me, and sighed.

"I knew it was something like that..." Sora muttered.

"Sure," said Kairi with giggle. "Whatever you say, Sora."

Sora's face showed embarrassment. "Yeah, well..." We reached his house. "I'll see you guys later. Hey, Kairi, bring your marbles to school tomorrow. Maybe we can trade some."

"Okay. Bye, Sora!"

He turned and ran across the freshly-cut green grass of his yard and into his house. Kairi and I kept walking, but it was much quieter without Sora. Our silence made me uneasy. Kairi had been with us then for four months. The community had adopted her, made her one of us in no time at all, but I still wasn't quite used to her. She radiated a uniqueness that left me puzzled. Dazzled, even. Hungry for an explanation.

"Kairi," I said.

She fixed her frighteningly innocent eyes on me. "Yeah?"

"Does this feel like home to you yet? I mean, do you like it here better than your last home?"

She frowned slightly, but only for a moment. It quickly melted back into her persistent smile. "This is the closest thing to home I know. I don't remember anything about where I came from."

"Oh."

From the moment she'd arrived, questions burned within me. I wanted her to remember, not only because I was so curious about other worlds, but because I knew the absence of memory was hurting her. That flicker of a frown was engraved in my mind. It was the moment when I realized that Kairi was holding things inside. Everyone else only saw the smile. But I knew there was more.

We parted ways, and I entered my house.

"Shhh!" was the first thing I heard as I walked through the door. I saw my father on the couch in our living room. He looked so tired. "Your mother is sleeping."

I nodded, and tip-toed through the house to my bedroom. Mother had been feeling even worse than usual lately. She spent most of her time in bed while my father tended to her needs. Days could go by and I wouldn't even get a glimpse of her. The house was always quiet. I wasn't allowed to speak or play or make any noise; Mother needed her rest.

The quiet killed me inside. I tried to stay out of the way of my father at all times. He was consumed by the stress of Mother's illness. Most days I would row out to the children's island to escape the quiet. I would swim, run, spar, grow stronger.

I needed to be strong, so that Sora would never be better than me. I needed to be strong, so I would never fall to sickness like my mother. I needed to be strong, so that I could rid all traces of a frown from Kairi's face. Be strong, a voice rang in my head. A voice that was distant yet familiar. Be strong.

The echo of those words would haunt me my entire life.


	2. the ocean

**chapter two: the ocean**

I was twelve years old. The sun was harsh and beautiful in the sky. The summer winds were ebbing, telling us children that fall was on its way. In only a few days I would start the seventh grade; I would go to the high school building, separated from Kairi and Sora. I was too proud to let it show, but I was scared to be without them.

The three of us spent every day that last week of summer on our island, making the most of our last stretch of freedom. That day, I was sparring with an invisible partner, sweating beneath the bright sun. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Kairi and Sora sitting on the shore. The waves washed lightly over them as they crawled on their hands and knees, searching through the wet sand for shells. Kairi had an elaborate project in mind... she was always dreaming up some sort of art project, and Sora was always the one suckered into helping her with the dirty work.

Naturally, I felt too old and too manly to participate in such an activity, but as I watched the two of them, I grew envious. They were wet and covered in sand, laughing together as the sun shone down on them. Kairi, and all her damned energy... And Sora, who jumped whenever she said jump. I constantly teased him about his crush on Kairi, which he blushingly denied, but the more I teased, the lonelier I felt.

"Hey," said Kairi suddenly. "I thought the grown-ups never came to our island." She pointed to the sea, where a rowboat carrying two adult passengers was heading for the dock.

"They don't," I replied. I walked hurriedly to the dock to greet the boat. Why would the grown-ups come to see us? There was hardly a cloud in the sky, so it couldn't be to warn us of an approaching storm. It had to be something... grown-ups only came to our island for urgent news.

Mr. Kuran, the sheriff, and his oldest son were in the boat. I met his eyes as they pulled into the dock, and I was filled with dark feelings. They didn't even tether the boat.

"Get in, Riku," said the sheriff.

"What's wrong?" I asked, fighting the fear that threatened to reveal itself in my voice.

He averted my eyes, sighing. "Just get in. I'll explain when we get back to the island."

"What's wrong?" I prodded once more.

"Just get in, Riku," said Mr. Kuran's son. "It's your mother."

Without another word, I jumped into the boat and we began rowing back to the main island. I looked back at Sora and Kairi, who stood on the shore, watching with wide eyes.

We landed at the dock nearest to my house and walked quickly but solemnly. My stomach was churning. We entered my house and went to my parents' bedroom. I felt sick as I saw my mother lying there; her skin was as white as the sheets. Her endless tendrils of hair were spread messily across her sunken face. Father had so rarely allowed me to see her lately... I hadn't realized she had been getting so much worse.

My father was kneeling beside the bed, clutching my mother's hand as he watched her. He turned his head when he heard us enter; it was the first and last time I ever saw my father's eyes filled with tears.

I walked slowly towards the bed. I could hear her shallow, wheezing breath as I got closer, and it frightened me.

"Riku," she breathed softly when she saw me. Her eyes were cloudy. "My baby..."

"Mother?" I croaked. I wanted to take hold of her hand, but my father was still clutching it firmly. I simply stood there watching my dying mother, feeling helpless.

She smiled, closing her eyes. "I love you, my son. I'm sorry that I can't I stay with you any longer…"

"Don't say that!"

I heard the sheriff stir from where he stood in the doorway. "Mara, perhaps we should take the child out of the room."

"You would rob me of my last wishes, Sheriff?" my mother coldly answered. "I won't be around much longer, and you people won't have to deal with me anymore. Just let me have these last minutes with the ones I love."

"But he is too young to see such a thing..."

"My wife has asked that Riku be here, Mr. Kuran," my father said loudly. He was choking on his own tears. "We will respect her wishes, just as we do for all the islanders on their deathbed." He tore his eyes away from my mother for a moment to give Mr. Kuran a serious and desperate look. "She is no exception."

The sheriff lowered his head. "No, of course she's not..."

My mother rolled onto her side, a maneuver which seemed to require an excessive amount of her strength. She took her free hand and placed it on my father's cheek, pulling his face close to her in order to kiss him. She whispered something in his ear, causing tears to fall more intensely from his eyes. She pulled away and looked at the two of us, and for a single, gorgeous moment, there was a calm that came over her.

Her eyes began to bulge and she started screaming in pain. She clutched her chest and tossed from side to side. I wanted to plug my ears, the screaming was so loud.

"Should I go get the doctor?" said Mr. Kuran's fearful son.

"No," Mr. Kuran replied. "There is nothing we can do for her."

Those words tormented me as I watched my father try to comfort my mother in her agony. There was nothing I could do for her. I wished for the strength to save her or ease her pain, but it didn't come. Several minutes later, her screams stopped and she exhaled very slowly. I could feel her spirit leaving us...

"Mother don't go!" I cried.

"Riku," she whispered with her last breath, "be strong..."

**- o - o - o -**

Her funeral was held the next day, at dawn. I could not sleep that night, though for my father's benefit, I pretended that I had. I had the feeling he, like Mr. Kuran, thought I was too young to watch my mother die. Maybe they were right. In any case, I wasn't going to let him see how her death had affected me. I dressed in white pants and a simple white tunic, the traditional attire for mourning. The color was meant to show respect for the passing spirits, and represent the peace that they would find in the next life. But peacefulness was the last thing I associated with my mother's death. She had left us in such a state of pain and screaming; it was hard to believe that she was on her way to a peaceful place.

The neighborhood was strangely silent when I walked out the front door of my house. The only sound that ran through the street was of the wind coming off the ocean. Other funeral-goers, dressed in similar white clothes, were moving quietly towards the shore. My father and I walked together, but he didn't lay his eyes on me for the entire journey. He walked quickly, as if trying to purposefully stay a few steps ahead of me. I did not bother trying to catch up with him, or speak to him, or even catch his eye.

My mother's body was laid across a wooden raft on the beach. She was dressed in a white gown and buried in a thick cage of sticks. Colorful island flowers were placed here and there, and a paopu fruit rested on her chest. The mourners gathered in a cluster along the shore; most of the neighborhood was there. It was customary, and the islanders were sticklers for custom. People would go to mourn the death of their neighbors out of respect, even if it was a woman like my mother, whom none of them had ever really liked.

The minister spoke of the nature of death, recited classic island poetry, and consoled us. His words felt empty to me, and his speech seemed endless. My childish mind lost interest and I found myself gazing at my mother's body. The hours I had spent lying awake thinking about her were suddenly catching up to me. As the sun rose, the air grew warmer, and that, combined with the lulling noise of the early-morning waves, started to make me sleepy. The minister's words started to sound very far away.

I jerked awake as I felt myself drift. I looked around, blinking my eyes rapidly to try and suppress my desire to close them. I could only imagine the strange looks I would be given if I fell asleep at my own mother's funeral. "Strange as his mother," they would say.

I never knew what it was that made my mother so different from the other islanders, but the older I grew, the more I could feel how much they hated her. Why bother, I thought, with all these island formalities over a woman none of them ever accepted as one of their own? My mother was different... she deserved something different. I felt a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I suddenly wanted her back so badly.

The ceremony came to a close with the minister's assistants lighting torches. They carried them towards the raft and lit the pyre as the rest of us sang softly. They climbed into small boats and led the flaming raft out to sea. Soon it was far out of my sight, only a tiny flame against the big blue ocean.

I wandered away from the crowd and sat down on the beach, a safe distance from the others. I took off my shoes and let the waves touch my toes as rested my chin on my knees. The sky was that odd sort of gray-yellow-blue of the early morning. The ocean had never seemed as big as it looked that day. I wondered where it would carry my mother. Everyone kept saying she had "gone to a better place." Was that true? Just what kind of place was there on the other side of that big ocean?

The air smelled wonderful. It was thick with the scent of flowers and paopu fruit; the items placed on my mother's raft, meant to mask the scent of burning flesh. I closed my eyes and inhaled. I rested my head on my knees as I breathed in the intoxicating smell and listened to the splashing waves.

"You should be more careful about where you fall asleep," said a voice.

I realized I had begun to doze off again, and snapped quickly to attention. I looked to my side and saw Sora squatting beside me, wearing his usual calm and innocent expression. "I didn't sleep much last night," I mumbled.

"I can understand that." He stared out at the ocean. "I'm really sorry about what happened to your mom."

It was a pretty generic thing to say, but I knew that, unlike everyone else, Sora really meant it. We sat in silence for a moment. Soon we heard Sora's mother calling him.

"I have to go now," said Sora. "Don't worry, Riku. Everything will be okay."

That was easy for him to say, when his mother was only a few feet away. Everything was always sunshine and optimism with Sora, which were the last things I wanted right then. I had the strange desire to hit him. Instead, I leaned over and gave him a quick hug. "Thank you, Sora," I mumbled.

Our house was deadly silent that day. My father never looked at me or spoke to me. He retired to his bedroom as soon as we arrived home. I felt so distant from him, as if without my mother, he was someone completely new to me. He was a stranger, and now it was going to be just the two of us. As I thought about it, the idea of living alone with my father suddenly seemed cold and frightening. He didn't know me the way my mother did... and I definitely didn't know him the way I knew my mother. Even when I was with him, I felt alone. I couldn't stand to think about feeling that frigid loneliness full-time. I wanted her back.

In spite of the gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach, though, I still was not able to cry over the death of my mother.

**- o - o - o -**

Moving on was a slow process. It went by one painful day at a time. Each day, I dealt with my father, who had as little to do with me as possible. Even when he did start speaking to me again, it was cold and formal. Each day I dealt with the stares of the older islanders, the whispers that followed me even though I never knew what they were saying or why. Each day I dealt with feeling awkward every time I was around Sora and Kairi. Our friendship continued as it always had, but after my mother's death, I felt out of place when I was with them. They seemed so happy and optimistic; life was an endless playtime to them. Life was like that for all the island children, but I didn't think I could ever feel that way again.

As awful as it felt at first, the days did eventually begin to move by faster. The pain was no longer tedious and all-consuming, but simply part of the routine. Life without my mother, which I at first thought I could never deal with, became the norm. Days and weeks and months passed by, and it was not long before I felt like life had always been this way.

**- o - o - o -**

"Ready?" Kairi called with a giggle as she stood to the side. "Go!"

At her signal, Sora and I darted forward, running across the rickety bridge over the cove. I felt myself gaining speed as my feet trod along the route I had ingrained into my mind. The sound of Sora's feet and panting behind me was music to my ears, because it meant I was winning. I leapt from one moss-covered rock to another, slammed my hand against the tree at the very top, and dashed back down. I grinned when I saw Sora out of the corner of my eye, touching the tree just as I was half-way back to the starting point.

Kairi was standing there expectantly, slightly bowlegged with her arms tucked behind her back. I admired her prettiness as she shifted her weight from side to side, smiling as always. Three short years had brought dramatic and eye-catching changes to her appearance. I noticed that with her new short haircut, you could see the features of her face so well. Her pillowy lips, her round eyes, her soft cheeks.

"Looks like you won again, Riku," she said, giving me a playful look. Was she smiling at me? I tried to stifle the thought. I wasn't special to her, I told myself; Kairi was nice to everyone.

Sora appeared then, panting and looking peeved. I wished he would have been even further behind, so that Kairi and I could have had a longer moment together. I wished he wouldn't have caught up at all, ever.

It was the first time I had ever wanted to be alone with Kairi. The idea of being alone with anyone was something I always avoided; I either wanted to be with a group or all by myself. But for that moment, as Kairi stood there in the sunlight looking so happy, I thought perhaps I could stand to have her all to myself for once. I was fifteen then, and suddenly, the way I saw Kairi was changing. We were all changing. Things between the three of us would never be the same.

"Well, looks like you're finding lunch today, Sora," I said smugly.

Sora sighed. "Yeah, yeah. Come on, Kairi, let's go get some coconuts."

Kairi looked at him, eyebrow cocked, smiling as playfully as ever. "Me? Who said anything about me helping?"

"Aw, come on. You didn't even have to race... you should at least help me."

She giggled sweetly. "Oh, okay. I guess I can carry a coconut or two." The two of them ran off together, laughing and teasing each other. Soon they were out of sight and earshot. I sat down on the ground, letting my legs dangle over the small retaining wall. No work for me, I'm the winner. I get to sit here and relax while Kairi and Sora do all the work. While Kairi and Sora spend all the time together. I get to stay here all alone. Hurray. Isn't it great to be the winner.

They returned looking as cheerful as ever. Losers aren't supposed to be cheerful, I thought. But it's not like I could show them how upset I was, because the winner is supposed to be proud and glad.

"What should we play now?" Kairi asked as she finished the last of her lunch.

"Ooh!" said Sora excitedly. "I think I saw Wakka's boat at the dock when we were getting lunch... why don't we go play blitzball? If Tidus and Selphie are here, too, we can go three on three."

Kairi smiled at him. "Sounds like fun."

I tossed the remains of my coconut to the side, looking irritably at the two of them. "I thought we said we were going to play Margu? We all agreed on that this morning."

"They'll be plenty of time for that later, Riku," Sora said dismissively. He stood up and placed his hand behind his head. "We've been sitting around for long enough. Aren't you guys ready for something exciting?" Kairi popped up at his side and nodded.

"Tuh," I said. I leaned back and rested on my elbows, with no intention of standing up to join them. "You just don't want to play because you know I'll beat you like always."

Kairi sighed impatiently and interjected. "Oh, come on, Riku. Let's just play blitzball and THEN we can all play Margu together."

Sora grinned. "See, you're outnumbered."

"Fine," I said through gritted teeth. "You guys go play blitzball. I've got other stuff to do anyway."

"You're not coming with us?"

"No. Just go on."

Hesitating only for a short moment, the two of them took off for the other side of the island. I watched them as they went. On second glance, I decided, Kairi wasn't really all that pretty. What did I care if she chose Sora's side, and not mine?

**- o - o - o -**

I waited for a mild eternity that night. I thought my father would never go to bed. He stayed in the living room, staring into space as always. This night was the worst night of the year for him. At last, though, he got up and retired to his room. I took this opportunity to sneak out the back through the sunroom. It was time for a late-night stroll to the beach.

The air was weighted with salty winds and the smell of an approaching storm. Though the sky was black, you could still see the clouds churning and creeping closer with the storm. The edge of the ocean lit up occasionally from the lightning in the distance. There was nothing more peaceful than the island at night. The streets were so lonely and beautiful, and the warm, moist air felt comforting against my cheeks.

The waves were churning when I arrived at the beach, as if they, too, were anticipating the coming of the storm. The waves were peculiar like that; I always felt that they knew something the rest of didn't. The waves had seen shores I could only dream of. I inhaled deeply and took a seat, looking out at those waves that had carried away my mother three long years ago.

Where are you, Mother? I asked. Every year it was the same question, and every year I received the same answer: nothing.

"You're out awful late, Riku," said a soft voice from behind me. I didn't have to turn around to know who it was.

"So?" was all I could think of to say. I wished she would just go away. "Just what are you doing here?"

Kairi sighed, and to my surprise, she sat down beside me. "I saw you leaving your house." She brought her knees in and rested her chin on them, looking outward. "This is the day your mother died," she said.

"Yes."

She nodded in understanding.

"I'm sorry about what happened today." She turned to me, pouting. I saw her only out of the corner of my eye, for I would not turn my head to look at her. "I didn't mean to be mean or make you feel left out."

"It's not a big deal. It's just a stupid game."

"I know that. But still... I'm sorry. You must be very lonely."

I gathered a fistful of sand and squeezed it. Then I let it sift slowly through the spaces between my fingers. Of course I was lonely. I was always alone, no matter where I went or who I was with. I was marked by my face and hair as the son of Mara Vodin; I was the spitting image of her, so it was easy for them to distinguish me from the crowd. I was always treated differently. I was seen as an anomaly, singled-out by my community and resented because of some ancient grudge they had against my mother. It was unfair and miserable and, yes, I was lonely.

How could someone like Kairi possibly understand that? She was even more of an oddity than me, and yet everyone loved and accepted her as if she was their own. Everything was peachy for her. It made me angry that she would even attempt to feel sorry for me... that she could even dream of trying to understand.

"Yeah... whatever..." I mumbled, still squeezing sand through my fingers. The skies lit up in the distance, and moments later there was a low rumble of thunder. I turned to Kairi. "You should go now. The storm's getting closer."

She raised an eyebrow. "What about you?"

"I don't care about the storm."

She settled into her sitting position defiantly. "Neither do I."

I sighed. We sat together, watching the storm roar and creep through the skies.

"You know," said Kairi after a very long silence, "I like to climb out of my window sometimes when it storms. I sit on my roof and watch the clouds and stuff."

I looked at her seriously. "That's dangerous, Kairi. You shouldn't be outside when it storms."

Kairi let out a soft giggle. "I know. I can't help it, though. The island storms are so pretty." She picked up a shell and began to draw in the sand. "The storms where I came from were so frightening and ugly."

"What?" I asked suddenly. "I thought you didn't remember anything before you came here? How could you remember the storms?" It was the first time in the seven years she had been with us that she ever mentioned life before Destiny Islands.

Kairi paused a moment, as if just realizing what she had said. "I... don't know," she said. She suddenly seemed to want to know the answer to my question as much as I did. She bent her eyes in concentration. "I just remember... clear skies. The skies were always so sunny and blue. But... not that day... the skies got dark... and the floods came... Grandmother..." She stood up, shivering. "I'm... I have to go home now. I'm sorry for bothering you. You probably wanted to be alone tonight." She turned slowly, took a few steps, and suddenly broke into a run.

I stared in awe at her abrupt departure, soaking in the astonishing moment that had just passed. All those years, and she never had even a flicker of a memory. We tried hard to pry information from her, but whenever her homeland was mentioned, a blank look would come over her face. Why had she so suddenly remembered?

I sighed, and upon hearing another loud clap of thunder, I decided I should head home as well. As I stood up, I noticed the drawing Kairi had made with her seashell: a keyhole shape inside of a heart shape. I kicked it as I passed, scattering the sand, shaking my head. "Silly girl stuff," I muttered.

**- o - o - o -**

I dreamed of the ocean that night. I saw Kairi on a raft, so far out to sea that I could no longer see any signs of land. I was swimming after her, but she always stayed out my reach. "Come on, Riku," she called with a playful giggle. "Aren't you gonna catch me?"

I tried to catch her, but she was too fast for me. Soon, the bright blue sky above turned black. The waves threw me around as rain crashed down in a torrent. Kairi didn't care. She kept smiling and taunting, daring me to come catch her. My arms could no longer carry my body, and I caved. The water swallowed me up and sent me spiraling downward through endless blue.

"Thinking of you, wherever you are..." said Kairi's voice, echoing through the endless ocean.

I looked around, frantic, but saw only dark blue.

"Now I will step forward to realize this wish."

Two bright lights appeared above me, and I swam towards them.

"There are many worlds, but they share the same sky- one sky, one destiny."

Through the murky water, the lights became shapes, more distinct, with color. I was moving closer to the surface, to the two figures sitting on a beach. I swam desperately, my lungs aching for breath, longing to reach the surface, but it seemed to remain just a few strokes out of reach.

Out of the watery shadows, Kairi appeared, frowning like she did that day from our childhood, so long ago. She placed her pale hands around my face, searching my expression intently.

"You are the one who will open the door," she whispered, before shoving me hard and plunging me back into the black depths below.


	3. voices

**chapter three: voices **

"Kairi cannot play today," said Song firmly, peering out from the cracked-open door. "She is ill. Run along, boys." We stared at one another, then back at Song. Finally, we turned to leave.

"Kairi's sick?" said Sora as we walked towards the dock. "She seemed fine yesterday."

"Yeah, she did..." I replied. I never trusted Song's sincerity. She didn't like me at all, and after the death of my mother, she no longer seemed to mind showing it. "I don't think Kairi's sick at all. Maybe she got in trouble or something."

Sora just stared at me. "But Kairi never gets in trouble. What could she have done to get in trouble?"

"I don't know. Something, maybe." Like sneaking out to the beach after midnight.

Sora shrugged off the thought, and I had no incentive to press the matter.

Wakka and Tidus were already practicing blitzball moves when we arrived at the children's island. Wakka was watching Tidus over and over again as he repeated a maneuver, in hopes of figuring it out. We approached them just as Tidus blew another goal past Wakka.

"Hey, guys," said Sora cheerfully.

"Hey there!" Wakka greeted us enthusiastically. "Where's Kairi? You three are usually attached at the hip, yeah?"

"Kairi's sick," Sora explained.

"Ah, I see. You boys up for some blitzball?" Sora and I looked at each other, then at Wakka, and grinned. As if we needed to be asked.

The four of us played for hours in the hot sun, swerving through the water as we executed maneuvers with the ball. Tidus was by far the best at it, which did a good job of bruising my ego. I was quite used to being the best at everything, and I didn't take well to being beaten at blitzball by someone younger than me. I kept challenging him, even though we were all getting tired, in hopes that sooner or later I would one-up him. Before we knew it, the sun was directly above us.

"Hey there, guys!" squealed Selphie's voice from the dock. I turned and saw her as she tethered her boat to the dock, and was surprised to see Kairi climbing out of the boat as well. The two girls approached us merrily, waving and smiling. Looking at her, you never would have guessed that Kairi was too ill to even come to the door only a few hours ago.

As they walked across the beach to greet us, I could see that Selphie had a basket hanging from her arm. We took a break from blitzball and gathered around her. "I made sandwiches for everyone," Selphie told us cheerfully. She lifted the cloth that lay over the basket and began to pass out sandwiches as we offered our greetings and thanks.

"I'm glad you're feeling better," Sora said to Kairi as the two of them sat down on the beach with their lunches.

Kairi smiled sweetly at him. "Thanks. It wasn't much, really. Just a bit of a cough."

I watched her eyes as she spoke. I thought I might have seen a hint of guilt in them, but I wasn't sure. She didn't sound like she was lying. I shrugged off such thoughts and shifted my attention to the food Selphie had brought. The rest of the guys and I were truly grateful, for a fresh lunch was just the thing we needed after an extensive session of blitzball in the summer heat.

The girls were the first ones finished. Selphie stood up and brushed the sand from her dress. "Sora," she said, drawing out his name in her typical girlish goofiness. "You promised you would help us today, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," said Sora, avoiding looking the rest of us in the eye. He stood up as well, shoving in his last few bites of sandwich as he joined the girls. The three of them walked together towards the seaside shack, talking excitedly about their plans. The remaining three of us simply looked at one another and shook our heads.

Tidus scarfed the rest of his sandwich and ran to grab his staff from where it lay on the ground. "Hey, Riku, wanna go a round?" he said eagerly.

I remained seated and took my time with my food. "I don't think so," I said dully. My mind was still stuck on Kairi. I knew she hadn't been sick. Something else was going on, but she was doing a good job of covering it up. Her lies never shone through that convincing smile.

"You're not scared, are you?" Tidus went on, the hint of a challenge in his voice. "I guess you'd rather go play house with the girls like your friend Sora."

"Tidus, don't kid yourself." I reached for the water jug and took a swig, washing down the last of my lunch. "It's just no longer any fun to spar with you. You're just too easy." Tidus went slightly red in the face. I reached over and picked up my wooden sword. "I tell you what... you and Wakka can team up against me. That'll be fair."

Tidus glanced over at Wakka expectantly. Wakka already had his blitzball in his hand and gave an affirmative nod. Tidus grinned excitedly as the three of us moved in to begin. He looked at me, as if waiting for some kind of starting signal.

I stood calmly, holding my sword to the side. I sighed. "Take the first shot, Tidus."

"This is what I'm talking about!" he said happily, coming at me with his staff. I blocked his attacks while moving from side to side to avoid the blitzball that would no doubt be constantly whizzing through the air. "Why Sora would blow this off to do seashell arts and crafts is beyond me," he continued. "He sure spends alot of time with those girls... what a sissy."

Wakka laughed as he hurled his blitzball at me from the side; I dodged it and whacked him in the shins. "You didn't think he was such a sissy yesterday when he beat you five times in a row," he said. "I think you're just jealous, bro. You only wish the girls would pay that much attention to you!"

Tidus tried to shrug off Wakka's comment. "Yeah, yeah... whatever you say. I mean, Riku gets tons of attention from the girls at school and you don't see _him _running off playing little girl games all the time."

I felt a sting of pain as Tidus' staff came at me from the side. I couldn't help but be slightly distracted by his comment. Tons of attention from the girls? I thought for a second that he was being sarcastic. I had never noticed any girls giving me any attention, other than to whisper the things their parents had told them about me. I suppose I wouldn't have noticed much about what those girls did, though. All the girls at school were just like Selphie: giggly, emotional, and not interested in anything even remotely important. Kairi was the only one I could stand.

"He does spend a lotta time with Kairi, though, yeah?" Wakka said in response to Tidus. I dove for him with my sword, smacking him on the back and causing him to fall to the ground.

Tidus grinned mischieviously. "You're right, Riku _does_ spend an awful lot of time with Kairi. He's always looking at her with those googly-eyes."

I reached out my hand and grabbed his staff as he swung it at me. I held it there for a moment as he struggled to pull it free from my grip. "What are you talking about, Tidus? Are you trying to say I like Kairi? Oof!" Wakka had apparently gotten to his feet again, for his blitzball hit me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me.

I leaned over, trying to regain my breath and my thoughts at the same time. Tidus was starting to irritate me. I knew for a fact I never looked at Kairi with "googly-eyes."

Tidus swung at me with his staff, hitting my head. I sighed with impatience. I stood up and shielded myself against similar swings. I took the flat of my sword and smacked him across his middle several times, until he finally collapsed in the sand. I turned to Wakka and used the same combination just as easily. He raised his blitzball to throw it; I knocked it out of his hands towards the water, and finished him off as well.

"Aw, man," said Tidus, panting. "Where'd you learn to do that, Riku?"

I shrugged and smiled. "I guess I'm just good like that. Maybe I'll show you a move or two if..." I paused. I heard voices nearby. I looked around and thought maybe Sora and the girls had returned, but they were nowhere in sight. Besides, it sounded like more than three people. It was like hundreds of voices, all whispering simultaneously. I looked at Tidus and Wakka. "What is that?"

"What is what?" asked Wakka, staring at me.

"That noise..." My voice faded as I noticed the blank looks on their faces. Couldn't they hear it? It was so loud. The hundreds of whispers ran together into one enormous roar. It almost felt like it was resonating from every crevice of the island, growing in volume. I was suddenly overwhelmed by the whispers buzzing through my head. I couldn't distinguish what they were saying, but I felt I had heard these things somewhere before. In my head I saw pictures of an empty raft, floating alone in the middle of the ocean. The voices rang in sync with the rippling waves...

"You okay, man?" asked Wakka. "You look like you're gonna pass out, yeah?"

"No, I'm fine," I struggled to say. But I wasn't fine. The voices were everywhere, growing louder. "I'm just going to go for a walk. I'll be back in a minute."

I could feel the eyes of my friends watch me with curiosity as I walked away. I wiped beads of sweat from my forehead and tried to stay calm. I looked all around; the island seemed completely undisturbed by these mysterious whispers. Was it all in my head? I wondered. Part of me would have liked to believe that. So many of the elders thought I was out of my mind anyway. But deep inside I knew I wasn't going crazy. The voices weren't in my head; they sounded _external_, surrounding and moving closer to the island.

I stepped unsteadily across the wooden bridge that lead to the miniature island near the shore. I sat down on the curved trunk of the palm tree and watched the sea. The water was peculiarly still today. No breeze. The sun beat down from the cloudless sky, drowning me in its dizzying heat. I slid down and rested my head against the tree trunk. A seagull let out a cheerful call as it soared across the sky, most likely returning to its nest for a meal.

Why so calm? I asked the bird in my head. Can't you hear the voices? Why am I the only one that hears this?

I stared into the pale blue sky, trying to think of anything that would distract me. The voices did not subside. They rang as loud as ever all around me.

Despite this overwhelming strangeness, my mind somehow only thought of Kairi. I wondered why she hadn't been allowed come out to play this morning, but showed up on the island anyway. I wondered why she pretended like nothing had happened the night before. Then, of course, I had to wonder why I even cared. Who cared what Kairi did or why she did it? Who cared if at that very moment, she and Sora were together having fun and not the slightest bit concerned about mysterious voices that it seemed only I could hear? It bewildered me that I could sit there beneath the merciless sun while ghostly voices hovered around in my head, and still be able to think about Sora and Kairi.

The sun was hot, the voices were bleeding into a dull and mind-numbing rumble, and I started to feel quite dizzy...

**- o - o - o -**

I found myself swimming through murky water, falling. I could still hear the voices, whispering familiar words as I cascaded through a strange kind of nothingness. Through the many voices, though, there was one that was louder and clearer than the rest. I got the impression that all the other voices were speaking to each other, but the one voice was trying to reach _me_.

"Yes?" I cried to get the attention of the voice. But when I opened my mouth, no sound escaped. The water, or air, or whatever I was falling through, swallowed up any words I tried to produce.

Beneath me, solid ground suddenly took form. It looked like nothing more than colored glass, but when my feet landed upon it, I realized it was as solid as stone. The mosaic colored pieces formed a giant circular picture of a girl. She wore blue, and had long black hair pulled out of her face by a jeweled headband. She stood in front of an extravagant castle on a desert backdrop.

"Where am I?" I asked in awe, but again my words were silenced.

The voice came forward, and all others slowly faded away. "Don't be afraid," it said. "You were meant to come to this place. It is the will of fate."

The glass floor shimmered beneath me, as if reflecting light from somewhere. I glanced around in every direction, but I saw nothing but endless darkness.

The voice continued. "Once again the door is shut. Now step forward. Can you do it?"

I looked at my feet, standing on the glass portrait. The ground was so fragile, and I had my doubts as to whether or not it could support my weight. The voice compelled me, and I took a step forward. There was a moment's pause before the voice called to me again.

"Power sleeps within you. If you give it form, it will give you strength."

As the words were spoken, three stone platforms appeared along the edge of the floor. A weapon hovered over each of them, glowing in the strange light that came out of nowhere.

"Choose well."

I walked slowly to each of the platforms, examining the items that were offered to me. I was told of each one's power and strength. I walked back and forth between the three platforms numerous times, hoping for some guidance from the ominous voice, but each time I touched the weapons I was told only what I already knew. It felt impossible to choose. My first instinct was to take the sword... but then I began to think of the shield, and how the power to protect my loved ones was something I had longed for since the age of eight. And then there was the staff. Somehow I could not seem to cast aside the power of the staff, for although I didn't understand it, I knew it's mystery was simply a clue to the true strength it possessed.

I folded my arms and sighed, stepping back to gaze at the choices all at once. Why am I here? I asked myself with a sigh. Why is this choice so important? The longer I thought about it, the more unreasonable this whole situation seemed. I began to think to myself, why should I have to choose? Why can't I just have all of them? If finding strength was so important, then wouldn't it be logical to take all I could get?

I exhaled slowly and paused. I thought perhaps the voice would intervene and explain things to me properly, but it never spoke. Perhaps it needed prompting, I thought.

"Hey!" I shouted soundlessly. "Hey, you... whoever you are. Where am I? Why are you making me do this? I don't want to choose, all right?"

The voice did not respond. I was growing impatient.

"Did you hear me? This is stupid! I don't want to play any guessing games. Can't you just send me back? I don't want to choose! Let me out of here!"

The whispers then returned in a flurry. The glass floor began to shake, and shadows started to creep across it. There was something eerie about the way the shadows moved; they looked alive. My eyes widened and my breath caught in my chest for a moment when the dark clusters along the ground sprang up and took shape. The shadows really were alive. They were creatures of fluid-like darkness with bright eyes, limbs, and antennae.

They moved towards me, and my body stiffened. I reached out to beat away one of the shadows that leapt towards me. As soon as my hand touched the black body of the shadow, I felt like I was crumbling into thousands of pieces. My whole body went cold. It was a strange cold that seeped into my thoughts. I was blinded for a moment, and I saw flashes of events in a man's life. It was as if, for a moment, I was looking into someone's memories. My own memories seemed to be fading away, and for that one brief instance I felt like my entire existence had just slipped through my fingers.

The feeling ebbed moments later. It was brief, but I had learned my lesson: these shadows were not to be touched. But how was I to defend myself? The shadows rose and multiplied, edging closer to me. The voice was silent, offering no words of advice. With no other choice, I ran to the edge of the circle and jumped onto the first platform, where the sword was floating. I took the sword into my hand and began to fend off the heard of shadows squirming towards me.

The voice returned. "Is this the power you seek?" it asked me.

"What? What are you talking about? Can't you see I'm being attacked here?" I swung at a shadow as it dove towards me. As I sliced through it, it dissolved into nothing and a translucent heart was released.

"Is this the power you seek?"

"I already told you I don't want to seek your stupid power!"

"Is this the power you seek?"

Try as I might to defeat the shadow creatures, more of them continued to rise from the glass. I was dreaming, wasn't I? I had to be dreaming... If I wasn't dreaming, why wasn't I waking up? Why couldn't I escape this place? The voice kept asking the same question over and over again, and all I wanted was to get out.

"Shut up!" I screamed at the voice. "Just let me out of here!" I lifted the sword above my head and tossed it angrily to the ground.

Upon impact, the ground shattered into pieces. The whispers were silenced, the shadows disappeared, and I found myself falling through nothingness yet again. I screamed as I fell, but of course no sound was made. The voice bellowed one final statement before leaving me:

"Your path is set."

**- o - o - o -**

Suddenly, I was not falling any more. I was somewhere completely different. Around me were stone walls etched with decorative roses and thorns, and symbols I did not understand. The ceilings were high and there were no windows. There were two occupants in the room other than myself, but I had the feeling I wasn't really there at all. Rather, I was watching a scene play out before me. Everything was blurred and out-of-focus, but I could see the two figures moving and speaking.

"It saddens me to see the kingdom this way," said the first figure. I could not make out his face, but it sounded like an elderly man. "I scarcely recognize it. Every day I pray for the return of Hollow Bastion's glory, but alas, it has not yet come."

"Your prayers are wasted, Brutus," said the second person. It was a woman, and she sounded as old as the man. "We've been praying for years now, and no good has come of it. This is the time to act."

"Act? But what can we do?"

The woman sighed. "The kingdom is in ruins. There is no future for any of us here... there is especially no future for the princesses."

"You mean...?"

"I'm getting them out of here. Who knows what will happen to them if they stay here any longer. Poor Kairi, already, who knows what that monster's done to her."

The man placed a hand on the woman's shoulder. "Melynn, if Ansem catches you, he'll have you killed."

"And you think that would concern me? My well-being is insignificant. As long as I live long enough to ensure the safety of the princesses, then I will be satisfied."

"But how will you do it?"

She hesitated for a moment, as if she was worried someone was listening. "I don't know for certain yet, but... I think I may have found the Door."

**- o - o - o -**

"Riiiiiku!"

I opened my eyes. I was still lying against the palm tree on the island. I turned my head and saw Kairi hovering over me. "Huh?"

"Um, Riku?" she prodded. "Tidus and Wakka said you started acting weird and wandered off."

It took me a moment to come back to reality. All of that really had been a dream. But it was so real. I listened hard for a moment; the whispers were gone. Had I imagined those as well?

Kairi was still talking. "I saw you up here and I came to see what you were doing. You were talking in your sleep, you know."

"I was?" I asked her. I remembered vaguely how I had been unable to speak in my first dream. "What did I say?"

Kairi shrugged as she took a seat beside me. "I don't know, you were mumbling."

I took a deep breath. I was still a little shaken by what I had seen, even if none of it was real. I sat in silence with Kairi beside me. A breeze had picked up, and it was much cooler than when I had fallen asleep. I looked over at Kairi, who was humming and drawing absent-mindedly in the sand. Wisps of auburn hair danced against her cheeks, and I felt a familiar longing inside me. For a moment I was lost in watching her, thinking how beautiful she was. My gaze fell upon the ground, where she was creating random geometric shapes with her finger. I was reminded of the previous night on the beach.

"So," I said, feeling less drawn to Kairi than I was moments before. I felt almost angry at her. "You weren't really sick today, were you? Why didn't you come to the island with us?"

Her eyes met mine, and in them I saw a flicker of sadness. "It was Song. She caught me last night when I came home. I didn't tell her what I was doing, but I think she figured it out anyway. She made me stay inside this morning as punishment. But luckily Selphie stopped by the house and-"

"So it was just fine when Selphie wanted you to play, wasn't it?" I cut in, staring coldly at her. "It was just Sora and me that Song wouldn't allow to you to be with. Am I right?" I could not mask the bitterness in my voice.

"Sort of. I mean, she doesn't mind Sora so much." Kairi's bright blue eyes stared at me, as if begging for forgiveness for what she was about to say. "Song doesn't really like you, Riku. She wants me to stay away from you. I told her I couldn't just stay away from you, though, because you're my friend. But she says if I'm ever alone with you again I'll be punished..."

Anger was building and building in me, and I couldn't hold it back. "Oh, really? Well, what about right now, Kairi? You're alone with me right now, aren't you? Aren't you scared I might just _snap_ and feed you to the sharks or something? You better just go, right now. It's obvious I can't be trusted with anyone!"

"Riku..." I could see tears start to drip down her face. "I don't want-"

"No, save it. Don't waste your pity on me, all right? I don't need it. I don't need you at all. Why don't you just go home and tell Song she won't have to worry about you being alone with me, because I don't want to be alone with you anyway!" She reached out to touch my shoulder. I shoved her hand away. "I thought I said get out of here."

"Oh, Riku!" she sobbed. She stood up and ran away from me with her face buried in her hands.


	4. a raft

**chapter four: a raft**

My dreams that night were just as strange and enigmatic as my other recent dreams. There was a raft again, lonely on the open ocean. I was sitting there, completely calm and unfazed by my solitude. It was blue and sunny and beautiful. Then Sora appeared, hovering above the water quite casually.

"Hey, Riku," he said.

"Hey," I responded, staring blankly at him.

He placed his hands behind his head. "So, what are you afraid of, Riku?"

I took a deep breath, contemplating the answer to his question. I gazed out at my surroundings, nothing but crystal blue water and sky. Endless calm. My head was as clear as the sky above me; I had never felt so content in my life. A breeze brushed passed my face, and I closed my eyes as I breathed it in. I wondered why I was suddenly at peace and unconcerned about anything in the world. It felt like there would never be anything wrong with the world again.

I looked up at Sora and shrugged. "You know, I don't think I'm afraid of anything."

He exhaled and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? There's nothing in the world you're afraid of? I don't think I believe that. Why are you being so tough?"

I thought harder, searching my mind for even the slightest hint of fear. I could think of nothing. What reason was there to be afraid? Even the most horrible things would fade away eventually, so why fear them? I tried to focus on the things that upset me. My father; every morning, I dreaded walking downstairs and seeing him there. Every moment I spent with him made my skin crawl. But fear was not something I associated with my father. Quiet, morbid dislike, but not fear.

Losing; I hated losing. But I could never say I was afraid of losing, because in the end it only made me work harder. I could see no endeavor to be feared, because as long as you got through it, it would make you stronger whether you won or lost. It then occurred to me that there were some endeavors from which you might not be able to escape. There were occasions when losing meant dying. My stomach turned as I thought of my mother, drifting away from me on the ocean. I thought about being attacked by shadows in my dream, and how I thought I would never escape.

"I guess," I said finally, "I'm afraid of dying. I don't think I could be afraid of anything except for dying."

"Really? What's so scary about dying?"

I looked into his eyes for a moment. In any other situation, I never would have been able to share my fears with Sora. I never would have shared them with anyone. But somehow, I felt compelled to tell the truth, as if there were forces working in my brain that I couldn't control. "Death is the end. I just know that I can do anything if I keep trying, but if I die, then I don't have any more chances. I don't want to die knowing that I didn't achieve everything I wanted to in life."

Sora eyed me skeptically. "Oh? And just what do you want out life?"

I was surrounded by silence as I contemplated the answer. There was no movement except for the rhythmic waves and a soft breeze. I should know this, I thought to myself. If I cared so much about not dying, then what I valued in life should be easy to come up with. But somehow I was unable to see what I was living for. Nothing in my world seemed to matter to me; I knew that I could lose it all and still be just fine. What, then, was so important to me?

"I just want..." My voice was faint. I blurted out the only thing I knew. "I just want to be strong."

Sora smirked, and slowly the dream faded into another.

I found myself in the cavernous nook beneath the old tree on our island. Only I wasn't really there. My body didn't seem to exist at all; I was just watching from some omniscient perspective. The rocks, interwoven with tree roots, were bare at that point. I saw Sora and Kairi, no older than nine years old, enter through the tiny passageway. Kairi gazed around in awe at the place while Sora bounced excitedly.

"Isn't this the best place ever?" he squeaked.

Kairi nodded slowly, still taking in her surroundings. "It's very weird," she said softly. "It's kind of creepy the way the wind blows through the cracks in here... it makes it sound like there's things moving inside."

Sora looked concerned, as if he'd displeased her. "You don't like it?"

"Oh, no, I love it. It's the neatest place I've ever been!"

As quickly as his expression had dropped, it perked right back up again. "Great! Then me and you can play here together! Nobody else knows about this place, you know. I've always wanted someone to share the secret with. It's going to be so much fun."

Kairi gazed at him, puzzled. "What about Riku? Didn't you share the secret with him?"

"Oh, Riku." Sora dropped his eyes. "Riku knows about the secret, too, but he doesn't like it here. He never wants to come anymore." He brightened up again. "But that's okay. Me and you can still have lots of fun here. We can call it the Secret Place."

In that instant, everything was swept up in a blur of color and movement and voices. Time sped up a hundred times, and I could see several years of memories rushing past. Things moved too quickly to follow, but I could somehow understand it all. There were picnics, stories, laughter, secrets... it was all a melted dream running before my eyes. And there was emotion. I felt years of happiness, love, sadness, curiosity, and bliss, all mixed into one fleeting instant. I realized it was a good thing that I was bodiless, because I never would have been able to handle all of this otherwise. So many powerful feelings were coursing through me, and none of them were mine.

These were Sora's feelings. I was inside Sora's head, reliving the past seven years of his life. I suddenly came to understand every intimate detail of his mind, every emotion he had ever felt. Most of all, I saw how he felt about Kairi. I knew how deep his love for her ran.

When morning came, I was unable to remember much of this. Sora's emotions, which I had felt so vividly that night, were all but gone from me. All I knew was that Sora had feelings for Kairi, which I had known since we were very small.

-o-o-o-

Golden sunlight streamed through my window and fell on top of me as I lay in bed. It brought with it the sounds of ocean waves and song birds. Another beautiful day on Destiny Islands, the last thing I wanted just then. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to go outside to face the beautiful day. I didn't want another day of knowing I didn't belong. Every inch of this beautiful place was just a reminder of how I could never really be a part of it all.

I slipped out from beneath my covers and dressed myself. When I came downstairs, I saw the man who understood me the least sitting at the table. My father looked up from his reading for a moment, caught my eye, and immediately went back to his book and breakfast. As if I was only a wind blowing through the window. As if I didn't exist.

I equally ignored him as I grabbed a few rolls from the basket on the table. I shoved them into my pouch and moved quickly to the door. Like every other day since my mother's death, I tried to avoid contact with my father at all costs.

"Riku," he said. "Come sit down and eat your breakfast at the table, like a normal person. Why the rush?"

I stopped at the door. There was no rush. It was summer, and I was in no hurry to be anywhere. But I was in no mood to spend an entire meal with this man, either. "I promised Sora I'd meet him early. We're going to work on some new stuff for the treehouse."

My father stared blankly at me, as if this was an issue far too distant for him to care about. "Come sit down, son, and have a civilized meal. You're too old to behave this way."

Arguing would have taken more energy than I was willing to spare at that point, so I sat down at the table and pulled the rolls out of my bag. I tried to eat quickly, but not so quickly that my father would bark at me and call me "uncivilized" or "childish." There was no conversation between us. Like every moment the two of us were alone, this one was cold and silent. For a moment I entertained the thought of telling him some of what I'd been going through lately. I dismissed the idea quickly with an inward laugh. No one would understand the strange happenings I'd been experiencing, least of all my father. I could imagine it: Hey, Dad, did I tell you how I've been hearing voices lately? Yeah, and plenty of dreams about cascading through darkness and the like. Oh, and I'm also starting to like this girl that my best friend has been in love with since forever.

I could see all that crashing and burning very quickly with my father.

I finished my food, cleaned up, and darted out of the house before my father could argue. I walked to the docks and got in my boat. I decided to head straight to the island that morning instead of meeting Kairi and Sora. As I rowed across the water, I saw black rain clouds churning in the distance. It was bright and sunny now, but in a day or so that storm would hit the islands.

Sora was already sitting on the dock when I brought in my boat and tethered it. I was mildly surprised to see him there. For some reason, he didn't seem his usual cheerful self. He seemed deep in contemplation.

"Where's Kairi?" I asked.

"I woke up early this morning, couldn't sleep," he said. "I came on my own today."

This was something new. Sora never came to the islands by himself. He always wanted someone with him, no matter where he went.

I took a seat beside him. The sun was low in the sky. It was barely nine o'clock. "How long have you been here?"

Sora sighed. "Since about sunrise, actually." He was so quiet today.

"Is there anything wrong?"

He bit his lip, thinking to himself for a moment. Then he half-smiled. "Well, it's just that... I've been having these weird thoughts lately." He shook himself, as if trying to physically remove the thoughts that troubled him. He held his hands out before him and looked at them. "Like, is any of this for real? Or not? These dreams I've been having are so biz-aahhhhh..." His words were cut off by a deep yawn. "And I keep having trouble sleeping."

"I haven't been sleeping so well myself."

Sora gazed at me sorrowfully for a moment, forgetting his own issues. "You always have trouble sleeping this time of year."

I stared into the water. I didn't want to look at him. He always knew. He could always tell when I was drifting. The end of summer always stirred up restlessness in me. Maybe it was the changing winds, or the gloomy prospect of another school year. Maybe it was the anniversary of my mother's death. Maybe it was the memory of thousands of stars falling from the sky years ago. Or maybe I was just always this restless and would never notice it until Sora pointed it out.

"Yeah, well..." I said nonchalantly. "This place is getting pretty dull if you asked me. I've been thinking about just getting out of here all together." What was I saying? All I ever wanted to be was "out." But that didn't mean I could just get up and leave.

Sora's eyes widened in that familiar way with curiosity and excitement. "What do you mean? Are you running away? How are you going to do it?" I could practically hear thoughts buzzing rapidly through his mind.

"I wouldn't call it running away. That's little kid stuff. It's more like going on an adventure. You know, seeing the world and all that."

"Yeah, but how would you DO it?" Sora waited impatiently with gleaming eyes for my response.

Since I was making all this up as I went along, I had to come up with something quick. The dreams I'd had about the ocean came to mind.

"A raft," I said, adding matter-of-factly, "A raft is the only way off the islands, you know."

"Oh. Oh! I get it! That sounds awesome. Let's get started as soon as possible! It won't even take more than a few days if we get busy on it..."

"Whoa, what? I didn't mean NOW..."

"Ah, come on, we've got to do it now, while we're still out of school. That way we can work all day on it!" He began to pace excitedly, and I could see his imagination racing. "Oh, and Kairi will have to come, too! And we'll need to gather plenty of supplies... this is the coolest idea you've ever had, Riku."

"Yeah," I said dazedly, still bewildered about how it was suddenly unfolding before my eyes. "I guess we could go for it..."

Before I knew it, the preparations for our excursion had already been planned out. When Kairi arrived, we explained everything to her. She smiled weakly for a moment, then told us she'd be happy to come along. Hours later we had split up to gather needed building materials for the raft.

It was surreal. To escape this place had seemed so unthinkable, so unreachable. Now, I had discovered, it was as easy as just making up your mind to get up and go. As simple as building a raft. I had dreamed about sailing away for seven years. I could easily picture myself on our raft, so far out to sea that Destiny Islands was nowhere in sight. I had already seen it happen many times. The only thing I hadn't seen was the end of the dream. I had never seen the destination on the other side of the ocean. Not knowing was my driving force. I had to know what was out there.

I spotted a large log on the shore, washed up from the main island. "Score," I said to myself, smiling. I lifted the heavy log and started to carry it across the island, back to where our supplies were being collected.

I heard something. It was only a faint whisper, but one that was cold and unusual. I stopped and looked around.

I stood at the base of the tree, staring at the open space in the roots that formed the entrance to the Secret Place. For so long I had ignored this place. I knew about the so-called Secret Place, but I had never gone back in there since I was eight years old. Since that day, I couldn't stomach being in there.

The day after the meteor shower, most parents were skiddish about letting their children out to play. They were frightened by the unprecedented occurrence. Sora and I were among the only children on the island, so it was eerily quiet. In his over-active imagination, Sora was under the impression that there were monsters in the cave under the big tree. There were no monsters, but there was something equally intriguing. When Sora had already left, I saw a door with an oversized, glowing keyhole. It looked completely out of place. I went to touch it, but when my fingers made contact...

I couldn't remember anything after that. I only remember walking away from that place hours later with Sora. I never figured out what had happened in those few hours, but it left me with a chill cold enough to keep me from going back.

Now I stood there, fifteen, still filled with the same familiar foreboding. Why now, of all times, was I standing here again? Against the opinion of my insides, I set down my log, hunched down, and pushed my way through the aged roots and into the crevice that was the Secret Place. When I arrived, I saw that it was not as I'd remembered it. The once-bare rock walls were now covered in drawings left by children. I placed my hands on one of the rocks, where I found a large portrait of Sora and Kairi. Together.

I was suddenly swarmed with the emotions that were not mine. The feelings of my dream returned to me. Sora and Kairi. Together in this place. I was able to absorb the reality of the situation. All these years, Sora and Kairi had been coming to this place all alone. They shared something together that they hadn't shared with me.

The voices came pouring back into my head. They were whispering secrets, stories, memories, emotions. They were suffocating me, clouding my mind and causing strange, unconnected images to spiral through my mind. I couldn't stand to be in there any longer. I crawled out, grabbed my log, and ran back to Kairi and Sora.

I overheard them as I came nearer and sighed. Sora had, of course, been sleeping. Both of them were just sitting around like they had nothing in the world to worry about. Like they were the only two people in the universe.

"Hey," I said, carelessly tossing aside the heavy log. I didn't even look at Sora; my eyes were set on someone else. "Aren't you guys forgetting about me?"

The shell around their little world cracked and they came back to reality, acting as though nothing had happened. Maybe the two of them didn't even realize what had been happening. What was happening _between_ them. But I knew. I saw them.

"I guess I'm the only one working on the raft."

Kairi shrugged her petite shoulders and giggled. I tried to read her face, but was unable to. Sometimes I didn't understand Kairi. I didn't understand how she could look so sad sometimes, and then be so radiant other times. I didn't understand why sometimes she ignored my very existence, and other times she would look right at me and smile that way.

"And you're just as lazy as he is!"

She looked up at me and smirked. It sent a strange feeling down my spine. "Hehe. So you noticed."

I watched her as the conversation went on. I don't know why I was so drawn to her, but I suddenly wanted to leave on a raft just then, with only Kairi, leaving Sora behind.

"Okay, we'll finish together!" she squeaked, looking at the two of us. "I'll race ya!"

"Are you kidding?"

She grinned mischievously at both of us. For a moment I could actually feel Sora beside me, thinking the exact same things I had just been thinking.

"On your mark, get set, go!"

As we raced across the beach, I looked at Sora and Kairi out of the corner of my eye. I started to feel very unsettled. A thought occured to me. It was nothing new that Sora liked Kairi. I wasn't bothered by the fact that we liked the same girl. What truly upset me, as I thought about the way he and Kairi acted together and the years they'd spend in the Secret Place, was the realization that Sora might actually be the one to get her.


	5. drinking

**chapter five: drinking**

"So, Kairi's home is out there somewhere, right?"

"Could be. We'll never know by staying here."

"But how far could a raft take us?"

"Who knows? If we have to, we'll think of something else."

"So suppose you get to another world. Hee hee. What would you do there?"

"Well, I haven't really thought about it. It's just... I've always wondered why we're here on this island. If there are any other worlds out there, why did we end up on this one? And suppose there are other worlds. Then ours is just a little piece of something much greater. So we could have just as easily end up somewhere else, right?"

"I don't know."

"Exactly. That's why we need to go there and find out. Just sitting here won't change a thing. It's the same old stuff. So let's go."

"You've been thinking alot lately, haven't you?"

"Thanks to you. If you hadn't come here, I probably would've never thought of any of this. Kairi, thanks."

"You're welcome."

We stood at the edge of the small piece of island, watching the tangerine sun sink into the sea. In the distance I could still see storm clouds churning and rumbling softly. I wondered how long it would take the winds to bring them to the islands.

"You guys don't think it'll start storming during the festival, do you?" I asked my friends conversationally.

The two of them exchanged glances, and then stared at me. "Riku, what are you talking about?" said Sora. "There isn't a cloud in the sky. Why worry about a storm?"

"No, look." I pointed eastward, to the enormous black clouds that were circling. "Right there, a huge storm is headed right for the islands."

"I think we'd better head back," said Kairi with a giggle as she patted my shoulder. "Riku's been out in the sun too long." She and Sora both laughed as they turned and started walking away. I wanted to argue, but couldn't find the words. I squinted hard at the sky. Those clouds were definitely there. But then I remembered about the mysterious whispers that only I could hear. Now it seemed as though I was seeing imaginary storm clouds as well. It left me uneasy.

I placed my hands on the winding trunk of the paopu tree, clutching the bark and leaning over as I tried to collect myself. Why was this happening to me? Why could I see and hear things that no one else could? Perhaps I really was losing my mind.

"Riku!" called Sora. "Come on, we've already missed the start of the festival!"

"Yeah, yeah," I said less than enthusiastically. For someone who was so eager to leave this place, Sora certainly had strong affection for the island's charms. It was bizarre how he and I could be so alike, and still so completely different.

I reached into the upper leaves of the tree and plucked off a juicy paopu fruit. I headed for the bridge and, calling out Sora's name, I tossed it to him. "You wanted one, didn't you?" I teased.

He stared in confusion at the yellow fruit in his hands. "A paopu fruit..."

"If two people share one, their destinies become intertwined. They'll remain a part of each other's lives no matter what." I smirked sarcastically. My bitterness over his affection for Kairi nearly had me seething. "Come on, I know you want to try it."

"What are you talking-"

He looked at me with frustration and naiveté across his face. I just laughed and kept walking towards the dock. He tossed the fruit into the water and ran to catch up.

As was the yearly tradition, Main Street on the main island was transformed into a glowing, lively place for the summer festival. Young children laughed and screamed as they darted up and down the streets, afraid they might miss something if they didn't move at lightning speed. Kairi, Sora, and I had already passed through that phase. The festival was still exciting, but we saw no need to rush. We sauntered down the street, eyeing each colorful booth and deciding what we should do first.

"I'm thirsty," announced Kairi. "Let's stop and get something to drink."

"And food, too," Sora offered.

We stopped at the nearest refreshment booth, which was run by the O'Keefes. The jovial Mr. O'Keefe greeted the three of us warmly, and we reciprocated politely. "What'll be, young ones?" he asked in his booming voice.

"I want... hot chocolate!" Kairi said, warming up to the giddy atmosphere of the festival.

Sora grinned. "Yeah, me too."

I pretended to still be thinking. I made small talk while Sora and Kairi's hot chocolates were being prepared. "So, Mr. O'Keefe," I said. "I heard you and your sons had a pretty successful paopu harvest this past year."

The man lit up at this topic. "You bet we did, young Vodin! I haven't seen paopus so huge and juicy in a good decade!"

"That's great news, sir. I'd sure love to try some. How about some of your paopu wine?"

Kairi and Sora stared at me in shock as they reached to take their drinks. Mr. O'Keefe raised an eyebrow. "Wine, eh? I wasn't aware you were sixteen already. As I recall, you're still underage, Vodin."

"Oh, come on, Mr. O'Keefe," I said. "I'll be sixteen in only five months. I'm practically of-age already. I don't see the big deal; it's the summer festival, after all. A time to drink and be merry."

Mr. O'Keefe eyed me thoughtfully for a moment, and finally sighed in defeat. "All right, sonny," he said, retrieving a bottle from his ice trough. He poured the golden orange liquid into a wooden cup and handed it to me. I gave him my munny as I took the cup from him. "But don't go telling your pop I sold it to you."

I took a sip of the rich fermented paopu and smiled at him. "Wouldn't dream of it, sir."

My two friends both watched me in awe as we walked away from the booth, Kairi suppressing a giggle, and Sora casting jealous glares. We proceeded with our activities of the night, playing games, listening to music, watching various shows. I managed to charm a few more concession vendors into selling me drinks, so that throughout the entire evening I was able to go about my festivities with a pleasant numbing feeling around my thoughts. I felt my tension washed away with every glass. Soon, I was inebriated enough to forget about my recent troubles; I didn't seem to care about the mysterious voices and clouds that only I was aware of, or that my two best friends were steadily growing closer to one another and leaving me in the cold.

"Ooh, the ferris wheel!" squealed Kairi. She pointed to the end of Main Street, where a giant spinning wheel of wooden benches had been set up. "That's my favorite part of the festival."

Sora's eyes lit up as he munched on a mass of fuzzy pink cotton candy. "Wha' ah we wai'ing foh?" he said with his mouth full. Kairi laughed at him, but she seemed to understand what he meant well enough, for the both of them started darting off in the direction of the ride. I took a step to follow after them, but I found myself hit by a wave of nausea that prevented me from moving.

Kairi looked back at me in concern. "Riku, aren't you coming?"

It was as if there was a ferris wheel going 'round in my stomach. "No, you guys... go ahead. I'm not feeling so well." The two of them glanced at each other and shrugged, and continued on their way.

I fell to my knees and crawled to the side of the street, where I found myself throwing up all the sugared treats and exotic dishes I'd downed that night. I started to worry it might never stop coming up.

"Riku?" said an old woman's voice, coated more in contempt than in concern.

I stopped vomiting, finally, and turned to see a face I would have rather not seen hovering over me. I stared at her, open-mouthed, as I wiped the vomit from my lips.

"Why, what's happened to you, child?" Song eyed me suspiciously, clinging to her shawl for protection, as if I might jump up and attack her at any moment. "Have you been _drinking_?"

"Uh... no, ma'am. I just... I just got off the ferris wheel. I'm still feeling a little dizzy."

She gave a sneer. She didn't believe me, but luckily she didn't make it a point to admit it. "Well. I suppose that will teach you not to eat so much before getting on a ride, won't it?" She gave the edges of her shawl another tug and briskly walked away.

There was nothing left in my stomach to regurgitate, but I still felt like the world was spinning all around me. I crawled into the alley nearby, so that I wouldn't get any more uncomfortable questions from adult passersby. I leaned against a brick building and took slow, steady breaths to regain a sense of up from down. As I ran my fingers through my hair, I was mildly surprised to discover my face and hair were soaking wet from sweat. The evening was much warmer than I'd realized.

I heard stumbling footsteps nearby and glanced up in apprehension. I saw a vaguely familiar old man, though it was hard to know exactly who he was in the shadows. He chuckled softly at the sight of me and took a seat against the building on the opposite side of the narrow alley. "Am I right to assume this is the drunkard's rest area?" he joked in his throaty voice.

It was Tidus' father, Jecht. "I... well..." I said dully.

He waved his hand to silence my mumbling. "It's all right, don't try to make excuses. I pulled the same kind of stunt when I was your age. I won't breathe a word of this to no one." He laughed heartily as he took a swig of the bottle he held in his hand. He held it out to me to offer me some.

"No thanks. I think I've had enough for tonight." I sighed and clutched my stomach.

He nodded and took another drink. "Smart choice, kid. Besides, I don't think you'd be able to handle this brew. It's strictly for experienced rule-breakers; you've got a ways to go yet."

I laughed without glee. He continued to drink steadily from his bottle while I sat there trying to settle my stomach. The noises of the festival could be heard buzzing outside the alley. Children screaming, vendors squawking, lively music playing. All of it was spinning in my head. I began rubbing my temples to ease the ache. I could feel Jecht's eyes on me over the top of his bottle. He was watching me.

"What?" I said. "What is it?'

He chuckled again. "Nothing, boy. I was just noticing that you look so much like your mother."

_Tell me something I don't know_, I thought. I started getting that dreary feeling I always got when someone mentioned my mother. "That's what everyone says. That's all I ever hear: 'Just like his mother.'"

"Ah, well, they're right, you know. You've got her spirit, too." He paused and looked at me. He slowly traced his finger around the rim of the bottle, thinking. Like he was choosing his words carefully. "Tidus tells me you and your pals were awfully busy today. He said it looked like you were building a raft."

I felt my heart jolt and my eyes widen. Our plans for the raft were not to be discussed with anyone. "Yeah. We thought it would be something fun to make. You know, one last little project before school starts again."

He nodded and sipped his brew. "Yeah, I know. Your mother and I built a raft once, too. We were about your age, I suppose. Maybe older." He grinned in his reminiscence. A gold tooth of his picked up light from somewhere and reflected it. "Damn good times, even if we were a bunch of stupid kids."

"You were friends with my mother?" This was news to me indeed.

"Of course. She never told you? Well, it was a long time ago... We used to be inseparable back in the day. Alot like you and those other two are now. We got ourselves into some of the biggest messes together. God, it was alot of fun. Can't get myself into that kind of trouble any more, you know. Gotta do the whole grown-up thing." He laughed loudly at this. Then he sighed, deep in some kind of memory. "Yeah, we built a raft. We were bound and determined to get away from these islands, too."

"What? That's not-"

"I may be old, boy, but I haven't lost my touch, I guarantee you that. I know a restless youth when I see one- especially one that looks so much like someone I used to know. I know you're trying to run away. Hell, you may even succeed. Like mother, like son." He gave me a meaningful stare.

I swallowed hard as I tried to comprehend what he was getting at. In just the few minutes I'd spent talking to him, I had already learned many things about my mother I hadn't had a clue about before. "What's that supposed to mean? Did my mother run away from the islands?"

He grinned, but offered no solid response. "A raft is the only way off the islands, you know. Anything else will either bring you back to Destiny's shores or just plain get you killed."

I raised my eyebrows at this. It was the same thing I'd told Sora, but that was only something I had fabricated to make it sound like I knew what I was talking about. I had no idea there was any truth to my claim. "Why is that?"

He shrugged. "No one really knows. But I'll tell you what I think. I think it's the only device simple enough to lead you past the waves. Anything else is too well crafted; with other boats, you just have too much control. You try and tame the waves, and they're just going to bring you right back where you started from. With a raft, you just hold on and hope you get to where you need to be. You trust the wind and the waves, and they'll do what you want them to do."

I hung on his every word; I was drunk on them like paopu wine. I didn't know what force had brought this raving drunk man to the same dark corner as me, but I realized he knew the kinds of things I would have given anything to know. "How do you know all this, Jecht?" I asked urgently.

He shrugged, taking another swig of the bottle. "Oh, how does anyone know anything on this island? It's just bits and pieces of things... you pick them up over time."

"I don't believe that. I think you know something more."

"Don't be stupid, kid. It's all just a bunch of island myth drabble. Nothing of value." He shoved the bottle into the folds of his cloak and stood up. "I'd better get going. I'm supposed to be performing blitzball tricks for one of the booths."

I stood up quickly to stop him. "Wait! You can't go yet. Tell me... tell me about my mother. Is it true that she got away from the islands?"

He looked at me, but said nothing.

"Jecht, tell me. I need to know."

He scratched his head. "I think I've already told you more than you need to know..."

"Please! Tell me about my mother, please."

He sighed and gave my shoulder a quick pat. "Your mother was a good woman, Riku. Even if some people don't agree." He turned and walked away. I kept yelling after him, but he wouldn't turn back.

"There you are!" said Kairi's voice. She and Sora came over to me, slightly out of breath. "We've been looking all over for you."

"Why?" I said, distractedly. "I've been right here the whole time. How was the ferris wheel?"

"Oh, it was so much fun!" Her face was flushed slightly from the excitement, which looked sort of cute on her.

"That's great. Hey, you guys want to watch Tidus' dad do some blitzball tricks?"

"Sure!" the two of them agreed. My hope was to drag some more answers out of Jecht, but when put into motion, nothing came of that plan. I spent the rest of the festival with nagging questions about my mother and her past.

Walking home that night felt like the longest journey I'd ever made. My feet refused to move one after the other; instead, they stepped sideways and caused me to stagger. Kairi and Sora kept exchanging concerned glances as they helped me walk straight. Even as I walked I felt myself nodding off. I wanted nothing more than to go home and let my head hit the pillow.

"Is he going to be okay?" Sora asked as we arrived at his house. I felt an inexplicable desire to spit in his face.

"I think he'll be all right," said Kairi as she slid my arm around her shoulders to support me. "Don't worry about us. We'll get home fine. See you tomorrow, Sora."

"Bye," he said with a smile, before running across his front yard and into his house.

Kairi and I continued down the street quietly. She walked me all the way to my front door instead of turning off at her house like usual. "Are you going to be okay?" she asked, echoing Sora.

"Yeah, yeah," I answered, still unable to completely support my own weight. "I feel fine. Tonight was grrrrrrreat."

Kairi smiled weakly as she tucked a sweaty tress of hair behind her ear. "It was alot of fun. I don't think you should have been drinking, though."

"Oh, come on. I'm just fine, I told you." To demonstrate just how fine I was feeling, I pulled away from her and stretched out my arms, spinning around. It only took a few seconds for me to start to topple over. Kairi caught me, but seeing as I outweighed her by about fifty pounds, she only barely kept the two of us from falling to the ground.

"Whoa!" she cried, trying to keep her balance. "I think you'd better get inside and get a good night's sleep. We've got a busy day tomorrow. Lots of work to do on the raft."

The raft. Our way out. I smiled at the thought. "I know. I can't wait. As soon as we get on that raft, things are going to get better, Kairi. You'll see."

She nodded with polite enthusiasm, but she had a look in her eyes that told me she thought I was just muttering drunken nonsense. I placed a hand on her shoulder to balance myself, and leaned in to give her a kiss.

Kairi pulled away quickly, looking upset. "Riku, you shouldn't have done that!" She looked around the neighborhood frantically, as if someone might have seen.

"Why not?" I felt myself getting angry, for fear the answer might have something to do with Sora.

"Because... I'm not supposed to... Song might have seen..." Her brow furled in confusion and sadness. "I have to go now, Riku. I forgot I'm not supposed to be alone with you." She took off running for her house. I didn't bother yelling after her. I stormed angrily into my house and went straight upstairs. I heard my father yelling something or another at me from his bedroom, but I wasn't awake long enough to make sense of it. I was asleep as soon as I collapsed into my bed.


End file.
